Thursday, December 23, 2010
6
Today started with Polar Express with just me and the girls, then we painted our nails green and red and watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I thoroughly enjoyed veggin out with the girls and doing girlie things! I was then able to enjoy the afternoon alone doing last minute shopping and driving around...in circles, really. I saw some beautiful neighborhoods and it was a gray and windy afternoon, perfect for a drive out in peace and quiet. I came home to happy hubby and happy children and then we all went out for the evening. Went down to the Hard Rock Cafe down on the Riverwalk downtown and cruised around looking at the lights and soaking up the incredible night. Everything today has gone perfectly smooth...until we got home! Britt dead bolted the door, locked all windows and side doors. The garage door broke last Friday and so we have had to lock the door with our key! B forgot and he had to break in the front door. Now we must fix the front dead bolt. Awesome. Almost a perfect evening. Nothing is perfect, but damn things sure know how to go with a tad bit of a glitch. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! lcs
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Day 5
Well, I just realized I totally biffed on yesterdays Blog!! That stinks. I think that I may have wanted to start this blogging after the crazy holidays. But...I didn't. We are enjoying having Britt home this week to spend Christmas time with us. He usually is working literally, right up to Christmas and having him veg out with us is such a treat. This is the time to celebrate family and Christ. For once I have not felt a serious burden over presents and cards, past traditions and food. This year we have had so much going on and I am trying to stop, relax and just let everything be. We don't have the money to buy all of the "things" we would love to give and this is not the first year. I know that there has to be a lesson in this journey. We have a tree, gifts, a roof over our head and most importantly family and friends that love us...really love us.
Today on the playground there was a man and his adorable daughter and she had to have been Stella's age if not older! Her father, I swear would not let her do a darn thing. Throughout the time that I observed (or stared, whatever you want to call it :)) He continued to tell her " you can't climb that, you aren't strong enough", "don't go up there, you will fall. You have terrible balance." "Put the stick down, you are going to hurt yourself." "Stop banging that stick against the pole." I thought, my goodness. I thought that I was exhausted from reprimanding my girls. He has to be beyond exhausted more like on the verge of dropping dead from a heart attack! I thought to myself, he may be protecting her, but he also may be damaging her as well. I hope to God that I give my girls enough self confidence to put themselves out there and try for things and to know that they ARE strong, have balance and make beautiful music. I may suck as a Mom sometimes, but one thing that I do give my children is the space to explore and try things even if they fail. It's part of the adventure...trying.
Trying, is something that I am really working on lately. Trying new jobs, calling for new interview opportunities, trying to breathe and reach out....trying. That is the least we can do in this life. Give it your best, do your best and try. What I am realizing more and more (not that I didn't before) but no one really cares about your accomplishments as much as you do. No one really cares if you fail, only reason they may is for their own self fulfillment in a way that you are someone that they can talk about. We all fail, we all sin , we are all self destructive. Bottom line...don't be afraid to try, try to forgive yourself for past destruction and try. Without a good go of it, you will never know. Ego, gets in the way almost every time. Turn your inner voice off. Breathe and except your life the way it is and change the things that need changing. But don't forget to love yourself and try to be the person that you so know you are inside.
I know that this is all a little hokey but when things are happening around you, you can not help but relay it to your own life and reflect.
Day 5 360 to go...lcs
Today on the playground there was a man and his adorable daughter and she had to have been Stella's age if not older! Her father, I swear would not let her do a darn thing. Throughout the time that I observed (or stared, whatever you want to call it :)) He continued to tell her " you can't climb that, you aren't strong enough", "don't go up there, you will fall. You have terrible balance." "Put the stick down, you are going to hurt yourself." "Stop banging that stick against the pole." I thought, my goodness. I thought that I was exhausted from reprimanding my girls. He has to be beyond exhausted more like on the verge of dropping dead from a heart attack! I thought to myself, he may be protecting her, but he also may be damaging her as well. I hope to God that I give my girls enough self confidence to put themselves out there and try for things and to know that they ARE strong, have balance and make beautiful music. I may suck as a Mom sometimes, but one thing that I do give my children is the space to explore and try things even if they fail. It's part of the adventure...trying.
Trying, is something that I am really working on lately. Trying new jobs, calling for new interview opportunities, trying to breathe and reach out....trying. That is the least we can do in this life. Give it your best, do your best and try. What I am realizing more and more (not that I didn't before) but no one really cares about your accomplishments as much as you do. No one really cares if you fail, only reason they may is for their own self fulfillment in a way that you are someone that they can talk about. We all fail, we all sin , we are all self destructive. Bottom line...don't be afraid to try, try to forgive yourself for past destruction and try. Without a good go of it, you will never know. Ego, gets in the way almost every time. Turn your inner voice off. Breathe and except your life the way it is and change the things that need changing. But don't forget to love yourself and try to be the person that you so know you are inside.
I know that this is all a little hokey but when things are happening around you, you can not help but relay it to your own life and reflect.
Day 5 360 to go...lcs
Monday, December 20, 2010
whew!
I honestly do not know how I make it through the day sometimes. But, I do. Today was started by breakfast and cookies! I made enough cookies for all of our family members which turned out to be literally, just enough! I waited last minute ( as usual) to do cookies and go out and get the tins to put the cookies in. I had been out shopping a couple times over the last few days and either they were out or they were way over priced for crap material. So, I ran out to my oh so favorite store once a again and came home with literally, just the right amount of old classic tins that Joann magically handed me.
The girls and I made TONS of sugar cookies and I made my favorite peanut butter cookies with a Hershey's kiss on top...perfection. No wonder my stomach is bulging.
Kicker of the day is...scrambled around like I was competing in a rat race to finish all projects and gift wrapping before 5 o'clock so that I could make the last shipment of the day at the Post Office.
Wrap, pack and write our cards by 4:28...go to the post office. IT IS SLAMMED! Realize, I do not have my sisters address or a pen and my phone is beeping because it is out of juice. Start to sweat but breathe deep and realize that it will work out some way or another. There are NO parking spots. I find one, and then a HUGE SUV comes out of freakin' no where and zips right into my spot that I was waiting for. He was old, I let it go. I follow the dead end and turn around. Pass a decent spot but am hopeful for a closer one because I have 5 packages and there is no way I can carry them inside on my own. Notice, there are no spots and look behind me to check out the one I quickly passed before , knowing I should have taken it, and someone else rightfully snags it. Ok, ok i think. I will make it. Pull around the building and to my surprise...a front row spot!!! YES! Luck is changing. I am thrilled. Now all I have to do is figure out why the HELL I did not make Britt come with me because now I have to manage to bring in 5 boxes (which some are missing addresses) inside, somewhat gracefully. Damn, should have thought about that and maybe brought some type of moving devices...Such as: A FLIPPIN WAGON! Geez. So, I then proceed to put my packages on the side walk > A nice Asian man looks at me with complete confusion as to why the hell I am trying to accomplish this task alone and kindly asks if I need assistance all of the while continuing to hold a face of complete confusion. I accept and thank him.
Walk inside, the line is wrapped around the place. Here I am with these boxes, some of which do not have addresses and try and make myself a little corner with the missing tape and start to panic. Everyone, everyone is looking at me. I am sweaty. I dial mom, and she does not answer. I call again, voice mail . Again, she picks up...hallelujah. I get the address. Oh, and I forgot to mention that as I am frantically trying to get myself organized, there are no pens. Luckily, tis the season. A nice girl was lookin out. I finally get my shit together and get in line. A young man comes behind me who clearly works there and tells me he is the "end of the line." He has to close the store and shoo anyone else who is running tardy as well. I tell him about the tape, he gets me some (oh, and I push my packages to the front of the office so that I do not have to scoot them across the floor so that I won't get a potential hole due to my old recycled boxes that fingers crossed will tape up brand new). Me and Dude chat. He feels like a complete ass hole because late comers are trying to sneak there way in and he has to be the "jerk off "who tells them "better luck next time. " We become friends. I am thinking man, I am so lucky to have made it! I am going to make my deadline I think!!! For once!!!! I am now the last one in line, we get my boxes up, we get confirmations printed out, I go to pay....................MY CARD IS DE-FUCKING-CLINED!!!!!!!!!! The $371 check I put in this weekend is still pending!! So not only had I made the most obnoxious entrance, borrowed pens and scissors from people who felt sorry for me and generously helped me out... store doors were closed behind me bolted up and my card will not go through!! You have got to be fucking kidding me. I tear up. I am now embarrassed and thinking NO way. I just put money in there. This is not happening. Well, yes it did. It so very did. With tail between legs and tears in my eyes, I take two trips to my piece of shit car with boxes in hand.
It is okay. I get home and for whatever reason. Shitty Bank of America is still holding on to my money. I had $50 and the packages were $70 and the check is still pending. I cried or sobbed really and made Britt feel my pain considering this NEVER happens to him...NEVER. So, lesson learned. I should have double checked on the status of the check. It reads funds available 12/20. It is 12/20. I should have known not to trust anything. oh well. The embarrassment has passed. Britt will send the packages first thing in the AM. I will not.
Yes, this is just one day. And one that was just as crazy as yesterday. Men, blatantly were hitting on me while shopping yesterday and even Britt (my not so observant husband noticed)...it is not a full moon. almost, though.
So, that was today. Tomorrow is a new day. I will get off the ride now, look forward to tomorrow's. ~lcs
The girls and I made TONS of sugar cookies and I made my favorite peanut butter cookies with a Hershey's kiss on top...perfection. No wonder my stomach is bulging.
Kicker of the day is...scrambled around like I was competing in a rat race to finish all projects and gift wrapping before 5 o'clock so that I could make the last shipment of the day at the Post Office.
Wrap, pack and write our cards by 4:28...go to the post office. IT IS SLAMMED! Realize, I do not have my sisters address or a pen and my phone is beeping because it is out of juice. Start to sweat but breathe deep and realize that it will work out some way or another. There are NO parking spots. I find one, and then a HUGE SUV comes out of freakin' no where and zips right into my spot that I was waiting for. He was old, I let it go. I follow the dead end and turn around. Pass a decent spot but am hopeful for a closer one because I have 5 packages and there is no way I can carry them inside on my own. Notice, there are no spots and look behind me to check out the one I quickly passed before , knowing I should have taken it, and someone else rightfully snags it. Ok, ok i think. I will make it. Pull around the building and to my surprise...a front row spot!!! YES! Luck is changing. I am thrilled. Now all I have to do is figure out why the HELL I did not make Britt come with me because now I have to manage to bring in 5 boxes (which some are missing addresses) inside, somewhat gracefully. Damn, should have thought about that and maybe brought some type of moving devices...Such as: A FLIPPIN WAGON! Geez. So, I then proceed to put my packages on the side walk > A nice Asian man looks at me with complete confusion as to why the hell I am trying to accomplish this task alone and kindly asks if I need assistance all of the while continuing to hold a face of complete confusion. I accept and thank him.
Walk inside, the line is wrapped around the place. Here I am with these boxes, some of which do not have addresses and try and make myself a little corner with the missing tape and start to panic. Everyone, everyone is looking at me. I am sweaty. I dial mom, and she does not answer. I call again, voice mail . Again, she picks up...hallelujah. I get the address. Oh, and I forgot to mention that as I am frantically trying to get myself organized, there are no pens. Luckily, tis the season. A nice girl was lookin out. I finally get my shit together and get in line. A young man comes behind me who clearly works there and tells me he is the "end of the line." He has to close the store and shoo anyone else who is running tardy as well. I tell him about the tape, he gets me some (oh, and I push my packages to the front of the office so that I do not have to scoot them across the floor so that I won't get a potential hole due to my old recycled boxes that fingers crossed will tape up brand new). Me and Dude chat. He feels like a complete ass hole because late comers are trying to sneak there way in and he has to be the "jerk off "who tells them "better luck next time. " We become friends. I am thinking man, I am so lucky to have made it! I am going to make my deadline I think!!! For once!!!! I am now the last one in line, we get my boxes up, we get confirmations printed out, I go to pay....................MY CARD IS DE-FUCKING-CLINED!!!!!!!!!! The $371 check I put in this weekend is still pending!! So not only had I made the most obnoxious entrance, borrowed pens and scissors from people who felt sorry for me and generously helped me out... store doors were closed behind me bolted up and my card will not go through!! You have got to be fucking kidding me. I tear up. I am now embarrassed and thinking NO way. I just put money in there. This is not happening. Well, yes it did. It so very did. With tail between legs and tears in my eyes, I take two trips to my piece of shit car with boxes in hand.
It is okay. I get home and for whatever reason. Shitty Bank of America is still holding on to my money. I had $50 and the packages were $70 and the check is still pending. I cried or sobbed really and made Britt feel my pain considering this NEVER happens to him...NEVER. So, lesson learned. I should have double checked on the status of the check. It reads funds available 12/20. It is 12/20. I should have known not to trust anything. oh well. The embarrassment has passed. Britt will send the packages first thing in the AM. I will not.
Yes, this is just one day. And one that was just as crazy as yesterday. Men, blatantly were hitting on me while shopping yesterday and even Britt (my not so observant husband noticed)...it is not a full moon. almost, though.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Frustrated
Well with great attempt, I could not log into my account last night! I was so tired and very frustrated and threw my hands up! I think that I have it worked out but we'll see! I didn't like the feeling that I had when I gave up but honestly, I was NOT in the mood to try and figure out techy stuff, so I worked on it this morning. Oh well, that's life. I was not going to kill myself over it last night....
Yesterday was filled with Christmas shopping, beautiful weather, checked off lists and a fun time at the Alamo Draft House with the family! We wanted to reward the girls for great behavior shopping (although, really their behavior was quite whinny and grouchy) but they tagged a long! The Alamo Draft House is something that we will not do often but was a treat for all. You sit down in the theater and have a waiter who will take orders from you for food and drinks! We were all quite hungry and I ordered a burger with fries ,Britt had a spicy chicken sandwich and the girls shared a cheese pizza. Britt and I of course had to experience the Draft House with an ale. It just would seem criminal not too! So we shared a pitcher while watching Yogi Bear in 3D. The movie was cute and the food was pretty good. Too much money but hey it's Christmas time. We will call it a family gift! That's all for now, we are trying to get moving on another beautiful day in San Antonio...really is perfect out. Blessed. ~lcs
Yesterday was filled with Christmas shopping, beautiful weather, checked off lists and a fun time at the Alamo Draft House with the family! We wanted to reward the girls for great behavior shopping (although, really their behavior was quite whinny and grouchy) but they tagged a long! The Alamo Draft House is something that we will not do often but was a treat for all. You sit down in the theater and have a waiter who will take orders from you for food and drinks! We were all quite hungry and I ordered a burger with fries ,Britt had a spicy chicken sandwich and the girls shared a cheese pizza. Britt and I of course had to experience the Draft House with an ale. It just would seem criminal not too! So we shared a pitcher while watching Yogi Bear in 3D. The movie was cute and the food was pretty good. Too much money but hey it's Christmas time. We will call it a family gift! That's all for now, we are trying to get moving on another beautiful day in San Antonio...really is perfect out. Blessed. ~lcs
Friday, December 17, 2010
Day 2
We have had a festive day over here. Lily had her holiday party that Stella and I were able to attend and I was able to experience the unnecessary awkward "holiday party." However, I was engaged in the Race for Diabetes fiesta of cookies, brownies, chips, fake cheese and crackers, more chips and more cookies and fruit (which I brought). Besides that, it was a blast.
Afterward, I was welcomed by my garage door that apparently no longer opens. Hubs comes home sweaty and happy from his x amount of hours to himself ready to "fix the garage" which, with an excellent attempt, was unfix-able. Followed by my oh so exciting hour and a half of alone shopping time!! YAY!! I was beyond thrilled....really!! I arrive at the shops of Old Helotes and walk along the gravel road to the Cafe'...I can feel such excitement brewing. Do I go for the Late' or a hot tea? Hmmmm....such a wonderful decision to have to contemplate. I go for an Americano because, why not, I am going to a holiday slash retirement party tonight and I have shopping to do! I get to my favorite Antique/Vintage store in town and am absolutely thrilled to shop in complete peace! I give my friendly "Laura hello"and how are you which led to an HOUR AND A HALF!! of gabbing! She was such a sweet and friendly and talkative woman! Loved her! although, even more on another day. She spoke of her "Oreo Family" and her adventures all over this lovely world, her husbands dislike of her decorating after 11 years...all of the while telling me with the worst stuffy nose!! Seriously, any other day, I would have welcomed the company. It worked out lovely though. I bought some great finds....crystals for my God awful chandelier, presents for Mom and sis and dress -up necklaces for Lily, Stella and my wonderful niece.
Following the shopping excursion, Britt took me to his work "retirement/holiday" party. Geez, why do these always have to be so damn torturous?!! Awkward everything! Conversation, introducing (for the 3rd or maybe 4th time it sometimes seems) and yeah all of that repeated! but we made it through it. Everyone really was super nice.
And here we are....HOME at last! What a day. Not to be repeated, however, I am sure just as interesting! Signing off~
lcs
Afterward, I was welcomed by my garage door that apparently no longer opens. Hubs comes home sweaty and happy from his x amount of hours to himself ready to "fix the garage" which, with an excellent attempt, was unfix-able. Followed by my oh so exciting hour and a half of alone shopping time!! YAY!! I was beyond thrilled....really!! I arrive at the shops of Old Helotes and walk along the gravel road to the Cafe'...I can feel such excitement brewing. Do I go for the Late' or a hot tea? Hmmmm....such a wonderful decision to have to contemplate. I go for an Americano because, why not, I am going to a holiday slash retirement party tonight and I have shopping to do! I get to my favorite Antique/Vintage store in town and am absolutely thrilled to shop in complete peace! I give my friendly "Laura hello"and how are you which led to an HOUR AND A HALF!! of gabbing! She was such a sweet and friendly and talkative woman! Loved her! although, even more on another day. She spoke of her "Oreo Family" and her adventures all over this lovely world, her husbands dislike of her decorating after 11 years...all of the while telling me with the worst stuffy nose!! Seriously, any other day, I would have welcomed the company. It worked out lovely though. I bought some great finds....crystals for my God awful chandelier, presents for Mom and sis and dress -up necklaces for Lily, Stella and my wonderful niece.
Following the shopping excursion, Britt took me to his work "retirement/holiday" party. Geez, why do these always have to be so damn torturous?!! Awkward everything! Conversation, introducing (for the 3rd or maybe 4th time it sometimes seems) and yeah all of that repeated! but we made it through it. Everyone really was super nice.
And here we are....HOME at last! What a day. Not to be repeated, however, I am sure just as interesting! Signing off~
lcs
Thursday, December 16, 2010
A Realization
I know I wrote this morning, however, I feel that it is only fair to write again this evening because my whole idea is to write a reflection of the day, thoughts that I have had, experiences ect. I have done quite a lot today actually. It is amazing what gorgeous weather will do for a gal!
Today was filled with quiet, calm and clear thoughts. I can not say that I have those all of the time but I did today. For the last 3 1/2 weeks I was a Preschool teacher and that only lasted about as much time as it took for me to figure out whether or not I wanted to be a Preschool teacher or not...ironic maybe? I have battled back and forth in my one mind the pros and cons of going back to work and asking my self (constantly) is it worth it? 3 1/2 weeks later I realized, no! Not only was I wiping noses and bottoms but I was standing in as an emotional figure for these children who clearly needed there mothers. A feeling that made me miss my own so terribly. Lily, my creative and stunningly beautiful five year old missed her mom. MISSED HER MOM!! :) How thrilling for me! Because as Lily's mom I wondered if she would miss me? Will she wish she was coming home to me at the end of the day instead of going to after school program? Because we have accumulated more stress over the last several months, Lily and I haven't communicated well...or at all sometimes it seems. She and I argue like we would if she was 15! A feeling that honestly I am bracing myself for because I was an AWFUL teenager. My mother cackled like a witch when I told her I was having a daughter and same reaction when I found out I was pregnant with my second, Spunky Stella. That is a whole other ball of wax! Point, Lily missed me. And I her.
The realization that I have come to today, is that during this journey blogging, I am not going to feel like writing every day. I have had more ups and downs over the last couple years than I remember ever having. Whether it be me battling myself , family issues that have presented themselves, health issues, mothering and spouse issues. It is all pretty heavy stuff. Stuff that I am ready to overcome and have a much better understanding and excepting of self. Myself....Laura Cooper Seprish, the only Laura Cooper Seprish that God has created. Me, Myself, and I. These blogs are going to have there ups and downs just like the ups and downs that we as egotistical humans are always facing. The battle in our own minds. My goal through this blogging experience is....well, let's leave that one open ended. ~lcs
~My girls, missed there Mom and I missed them~
Today was filled with quiet, calm and clear thoughts. I can not say that I have those all of the time but I did today. For the last 3 1/2 weeks I was a Preschool teacher and that only lasted about as much time as it took for me to figure out whether or not I wanted to be a Preschool teacher or not...ironic maybe? I have battled back and forth in my one mind the pros and cons of going back to work and asking my self (constantly) is it worth it? 3 1/2 weeks later I realized, no! Not only was I wiping noses and bottoms but I was standing in as an emotional figure for these children who clearly needed there mothers. A feeling that made me miss my own so terribly. Lily, my creative and stunningly beautiful five year old missed her mom. MISSED HER MOM!! :) How thrilling for me! Because as Lily's mom I wondered if she would miss me? Will she wish she was coming home to me at the end of the day instead of going to after school program? Because we have accumulated more stress over the last several months, Lily and I haven't communicated well...or at all sometimes it seems. She and I argue like we would if she was 15! A feeling that honestly I am bracing myself for because I was an AWFUL teenager. My mother cackled like a witch when I told her I was having a daughter and same reaction when I found out I was pregnant with my second, Spunky Stella. That is a whole other ball of wax! Point, Lily missed me. And I her.
The realization that I have come to today, is that during this journey blogging, I am not going to feel like writing every day. I have had more ups and downs over the last couple years than I remember ever having. Whether it be me battling myself , family issues that have presented themselves, health issues, mothering and spouse issues. It is all pretty heavy stuff. Stuff that I am ready to overcome and have a much better understanding and excepting of self. Myself....Laura Cooper Seprish, the only Laura Cooper Seprish that God has created. Me, Myself, and I. These blogs are going to have there ups and downs just like the ups and downs that we as egotistical humans are always facing. The battle in our own minds. My goal through this blogging experience is....well, let's leave that one open ended. ~lcs
~My girls, missed there Mom and I missed them~
HOLY COW!
So, I am just now figuring out why I could not get to my account that I just created! I set up my blog on Tuesday and was so excited yesterday to have a nice quiet moment to right my first blog entry, until I realized I couldn't get onto it!! I was so frustrated and frankly getting quite pissed off! I have set my mind to a year long commitment to blogging and I was already feeling like a failure! Long story short, I had two blogs under the same account! Geez, don't I feel like a complete amateur in this whole blogging world!
I am going to start this first entry describing why I am actually taking on this project. A very special friend to me, Ariel, and I were at the park with our kids talking about all the daily thoughts running crazily in our heads. I was giving her a recap of the lost dogs that I have been taking into our house ever since we have moved into our new neighborhood. And the "Super Dog Saver" cape that I didn't realize I was wearing! She said to me "Laura, you should write a blog about all the crazy things that happen to you." Which after she said that, I had actually already thought about doing so especially after watching the movie "Julie and Julia." (I think that is what it is called). Although I would never take on any type of cooking blog, I thought it would be a therapeutic experience for me to reflect on my life every day. My goal is to have a better connection with myself, my thoughts, my emotions, concerns, and joys. I have no idea how this all will pan out, but I am optimistic and willing to make a go of it! So with that being said, LET THE BLOGGING BEGIN! ~lcs
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