Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Day 5

Well, I just realized I totally biffed on yesterdays Blog!! That stinks. I think that I may have wanted to start this blogging after the crazy holidays.  But...I didn't.  We are enjoying having Britt home this week to spend Christmas time with us. He usually is working literally, right up to Christmas and having him veg out with us is such a treat. This is the time to celebrate family and Christ. For once I have not felt a serious burden over presents and cards, past traditions and food. This year we have had so much going on and I am trying to stop, relax and just let everything be. We don't have the money to buy all of the "things" we would love to give and this is not the first year. I know that there has to be a lesson in this journey. We have a tree, gifts, a roof over our head and most importantly family and friends that love us...really love us.

Today on the playground there was a  man and his adorable daughter and she had to have been Stella's age if not older! Her father, I swear would not let her do a darn thing. Throughout the time that I observed (or stared, whatever you want to call it :)) He continued to tell her " you can't climb that, you aren't strong enough", "don't go up there, you will fall. You have terrible balance." "Put the stick down, you are going to hurt yourself." "Stop banging that stick against the pole."  I thought, my goodness. I thought that I was exhausted from reprimanding my girls. He has to be beyond exhausted more like on the verge of dropping dead from a heart attack!  I thought to myself, he may be protecting her, but he also may be damaging her as well. I hope to God that I give my girls enough self confidence to put themselves out there and try for things and to know that they ARE strong, have balance and make beautiful music.  I may suck as a Mom sometimes, but one thing that I do give my children is the space to explore and try things even if they fail. It's part of the adventure...trying.

Trying, is something that I am really working on lately. Trying new jobs, calling for new interview opportunities, trying to breathe and reach out....trying. That is the least we can do in this life. Give it your best, do your best and try. What I am realizing more and more (not that I didn't before) but no one really cares about your accomplishments as much as you do. No one really cares if you fail, only reason they may is for their own self fulfillment in a way that you are someone that they can talk about.  We all fail, we all sin , we are all self destructive.  Bottom line...don't be afraid to try, try to forgive yourself for past destruction and try. Without a good go of it, you will never know. Ego, gets in the way almost every time. Turn your inner voice off. Breathe and except your life the way it is and change the things that need changing. But don't forget to love yourself and try to be the person that you so know you are inside. 

I know that this is all a little hokey but when things are happening around you, you can not help but relay it to your own life and reflect. 

Day 5 360 to go...lcs

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