Thursday, December 16, 2010

A Realization

I know I wrote this morning, however, I feel that it is only fair to write again this evening because my whole idea is to write a reflection of the day, thoughts that I have had, experiences ect.  I have done quite a lot today actually.  It is amazing what gorgeous weather will do for a gal!

Today was filled with quiet, calm and clear thoughts. I can not say that I have those all of the time but I did today. For the last 3 1/2 weeks I was a Preschool teacher and that only lasted about as much time as it took for me to figure out whether or not I wanted to be a Preschool teacher or not...ironic maybe? I have battled back and forth in my one mind the pros and cons of going back to work and asking my self (constantly) is it worth it? 3 1/2 weeks later I realized, no! Not only was I wiping noses and bottoms but I was standing in as an emotional figure for these children who clearly needed there mothers.  A feeling that made me miss my own so terribly. Lily, my creative and stunningly beautiful five year old missed her mom. MISSED HER MOM!! :) How thrilling for me! Because as Lily's mom I wondered if she would miss me? Will she wish she was coming home to me at the end of the day instead of going to after school program? Because we have accumulated more stress over the last several months, Lily and I haven't communicated well...or at all sometimes it seems. She and I argue like we would if she was 15! A feeling that honestly I am bracing myself for because I was an AWFUL teenager. My mother cackled like a witch when I told her I was having a daughter and same reaction when I found out I was pregnant with my second, Spunky Stella.  That is a whole other ball of wax! Point, Lily missed me. And I her.

The realization that I have come to today, is that during this journey blogging,  I am not going to feel like writing every day. I have had more ups and downs over the last couple years than I remember ever having. Whether it be me battling myself , family issues that have presented themselves, health issues, mothering and spouse issues.  It is all pretty heavy stuff. Stuff that I am ready to overcome and have a much better understanding and excepting of self. Myself....Laura Cooper Seprish, the only Laura Cooper Seprish that God has created. Me, Myself, and I. These blogs are going to have there ups and downs just like the ups and downs that we as egotistical humans are always facing. The battle in our own minds. My goal through this blogging experience is....well, let's leave that one open ended. ~lcs

~My girls, missed there Mom and I missed them~

1 comment:

Ariel said...

Your friendship is a gift...
You are amazing, and you are a capable, perfect Mom for your girls! They are so lucky to have you...and Britt :)