F+

Ok, so I totally suck at blogging.Earning a  F+ would be fair to say for sure.  I think I may be to scattered for this whole blogging thing. Maybe? I don't know.  Or maybe I am just down right boring and have nothing to say! ha!  We know that's not true. I never shut up!

Lots have been going on in my life and maybe that's the real reason behind th non-blogging. Britt is finally off on his four month adventure across the big pond to Iraq. We Skped for the first time tonight which was so cool. It was so nice to see his smiling face and the girls weren't quite sure what do do with themselves except smile and wave at Daddy and throw him I love you 's in sign language. Of course, Britt asked why I wasn't naked. so typical.

But really, we have been doing the whole summer gig in full force. Spending hours upon hours at the pool with a cooler full of snacks. Lily won "most improved" on her swim team this year and Stella can now swim by herself! Stella watched Lily swim and literally told herself she could do it and did. I can learn a lot from that Lil Firecracker. Wonder where she gets it from??

Spending time at the pool has been great....everyone...everyone really knows us. Haven't figured out if that's in a good way or not but we're goin' with the good way! :)  I was a little weery at first about our neighbors, only because everyone around us just seems so "different" from what I know. But getting to know the neighbors more intimantely helps me to have a better understanding of who a lot of these people really "are". It's been nice. I feel good about that and that helps me to feel at ease. I think that the Momma Bear in me was being a lot more protective than I let myself realize.  The pool...was hit!

We were hit with the biggest of news the first week of June. A BABY! I honestly, would have never in a bagillion years had guessed it. Of course as a Mom when your friends find out they are pregnant, your sister has a baby ect. you can not help but to say "ahhhh..I love babies" and think I could do that again. And sure, I had those thoughts but they usually didn't last long because in that very room my two darling little girls are screaming at one another and the thought would vanish! haha! I know, I am so mean. ;) But really, we are thrilled! I do think that I just haven't honestly been able to wrap my head around the whole concept.  I'm warming up to it pretty easily though. I turned into the creepy "hands that rock the cradle" lady when I saw my sisters baby for the first time in months. So I guess I still have the maternal instincts!

It's hard to believe there will be one more smiling face added to the clan.

That's all in  a nutshell really. OH! And I am going to start working mid August. I am excited because I am hoping to be bringin in the cash! Yes, Ma'am. This woman likes it to rain GREEN!  Can't depend on the military to pay ya so looks like I'm gonna have to do it! Lots of prayers and fingers crossed it works out.

Me and my Baby Daddyxo



Friday!

This song brings tears to my eyes and feeds my soul...could be the greatest song.

Where Did All the Good People Go??

This is me in the morning taking Lily to school. Scary.

Spring is in the Air

April has started off right. My hubs is in Spokane this week in the cold. I am here holding down the fort in the 70's. It's hard to believe how time has flown by and how it continues to tick on. It is Spring here, really Spring. I am beginning to get out our Easter decorations, planning Easter Egg Hunts to participate in, getting ready for Swim Team sign ups (SWIM TEAM!! Thank you God for moving our family down South), and meeting new friends everywhere I go. I am usually the one to strike up conversations with anyone...anyone. Mailman, garbage man, neighbors, strangers in line at the store and even stray animals become my new friends. Lately, I have been the opposite. Going to the park and just sitting in quiet and people have been navigating towards me and striking up conversation. Yesterday, three ladies at the park asked me for my phone number and if I was on Facebook. The other day, boss lady at the gym hired me on the spot before I have even gotten my personal training cert., Britt and I went to a concert a few weeks back and I met and exchanged numbers with a new race buddy! (She is a DOLL! Instant buds) Why are all of these randoms approaching me? I must have a sign on my forehead that I am the the new girl in town! Or maybe just a glow? I like the glow, I'm going with the glow! :)

My point is, there is a shift. A shift in the universe? A shift in my maturity? A shift in my way of thinking? I'm not sure what it is but I can feel it. Can you feel it? I know my oldest friend called me yesterday morning and we chatted and she is feeling the shift as well. Good things are coming, I know it. I can feel the difference in myself and a since of peace coming over me. I feel at home here in Texas. I feel at home here because the sun is always shining, the weather is sweet, the birds chirp and my children are laughing.  It takes time to adjust to a new place, new faces, new culture, new everything. Literally. 

Britt will be gone a lot this summer and he is off on his first deployment in August for four months. I feel prepared because of the shift. I feel okay with everything for the first time in a while. Everything is fine. Just fine. 

The girls and I are off to see Charlotte's Web with some new friends on Friday, sign ups for swim team ( Go Barracudas!), birthday parties (Lily wants to have a Pirates and Mermaids Party next month), weddings (a bridesmaid on a plantation in Georgia)  and a hopeful Home Sweet Home for baby Sophia. Blessings are of abundance. Spring is here and I LOVE Spring!

 

Imperfectly Perfect.

Imperfectly Perfect a friend told me I was last week. For some reason it has really stuck with me. I have been thinking a lot about who I am, what am I good at?, and what is my gift. A lot of friends I know (most really) are very artistic and seem to have  away with blogging, scrap booking, painting, photographing ect. For these beautiful friends...they are naturals. I know that is what I love about them and admire and why I want to have people in my life that are inspiring. We are all apart of this world and we were all created differently. Not one person is made the same. Embrace, love, inspire, be inspired, and just do what makes you happy. Whether you are good at it or not. If you aren't try at it but only if you want to. Be yourself, love yourself and shine.

I may not be artistic but I am "Imperfectly Perfect. "

Would ya look at that?

 

 This will put a giggle in your belly....it's a must watch.

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!

Story Continued....

So I am listening closely and realized that she is not talking about me but talking about the other hair stylists that work for her. Classy...real classy. Knew I didn't like her. The gossiping continues and I am just trying not to get annoyed. Then finish putting the foils in my hair and I sit there for quite a while. They move me to the dryer to sit under for even longer. Not once did Cindi check on me, but her oh so fab assistant does who clearly does not know what he is doing. I continue to read awesome magazines...could be one of my favorite parts of the hair salon. This is the easy part of my visit. 

"Guy" takes me to the sink to wash out my hair. He is moving so slow I cannot even stand it. He begins to take out the bottom foils and leaves in the top foils.  He then begins to wash the hair that he has taken out of the foils. Dumb, right? Why not wait and do it all at the same time?! I sit there with head in the sink, which we all know is not the most comfortable, and he is talking about himself and his wife (who is military) and asks about my husband....blah blah. All the time my neck is resting on the hard porcelain and top foils still in. Cindi decides to grace us with her presence after I shot her a "what the fuck" stare. She almost by passes me but the stare was fierce enough to make her come over and investigate. God, she is such a shit. She comes over checks my foils that have been in for like over an hour tells "Guy" they are perfect and to put toner on my hair for 3 minutes. She disappears. I am thinkin' sweet, let's get this ball mooovin'!  He takes the foils out puts the toner in and starts the molesting of my head.  At first, I am lovin it. This is awesome. I am feeling the stress slip away and then he starts massaging my face! Moves his fat fingers to my temples and is going to town. Toner is now getting all over my face and is burning. It has def. been 3 minutes. But "guy" is not done. He might as well have had a hard on. Maybe he did. Who knows, this massage is getting super intense and I am intensely uncomfortable.  I start to show him this with my body language and trying to tell myself that God is testing me. I need to learn to relax, find the humor in all of this. This person really is nice...he is making conversation and trying. I think he is feeling good about himself that he can give a head massage. Finally, he starts the water. Cold water. He begins to rinse my hair and water starts spraying all down my neck and on my face. I start to wipe the water off of myself to show him that he is getting me wet....he has no clue. My mascara is now under my eyes and my neck is wet.  His awkward hands finished the hair washing process and then have to try and wrap my hair in the towel. 

Round 3...
I sit in the zebra print chair next to another client who is having her hair dried by Cindi. Cindi glares at me because I am clearly staring at her waiting for some type of human interaction from this Icey Bitch. "How's your color?" She askes "Guy"!! She asked him?! Not me. God, I just want this to be over! So she asks "Guy" to brush my hair and blow dry it. I looked at him and he asks me if I am having my hair cut and I answer loud enough for both him and Cindi to hear...YES!I immediately pick up the phone and call Ariel that there is no way in hell I will be able to meet her like planned. Cindi hears me and "Guy"  dries my hair for a minute and then Cindi gets someone else to finish her other client and she begins on my hair. She does not asking me many questions. I tell her how many inches and that is about it. Meanwhile, my purse is in my lap because I didn't want to put my new purse on the hair infested floor so I was waiting for someone to tell me where I could put it and not to mention the fact that I am feeling completely dumbfounded by everything. Cindi begins to cut my hair. I watched her look down at my purse and she starts cutting away. Hair is going all over my brand new Anthropologie  Purse!  After I pick it up and start dusting the hair off (while looking at her). She then asks if I want to put my purse down. I really don't like her she is so rude!!  I tell her yes, that would be nice. I really don't want to be walking around with a shedding purse....I am totally trying to play it off and act nice. Oh! Did I mention that every time you try and look her in the eyes she will look away. EW! I do NOT like that!
So she literally cuts my hair in like 3 minutes. Asks if I want to have my hair dried (it's raining outside) Calls over 'guy" to finish blow drying my hair. He talks...I don't listen. He finishes and Cindi checks my hair. Does a few little snips asks me if I need to change...I say no, she walks away. That was it. No, "thank you", "how do you like your hair", "nice to meet you", heres my card"...you get it. Nothing. I am just thankful it is over. Goodbye. I will never be back.


Go up to pay with "Guy". I give him my $75 gift card that my hubs gave me and "guy" tells me..."It is $250. WHAT!??!?! How much??? Did you take off the give card price? Did you charge me twice?? HUH??? He looks at it again...and tells me "NO, it's $250 and I deducted the gift card price. I say "are you sure?" Did you Charge me twice?? No...250.  At this point I am shaking. Shaking and about to cry uncontrollably. I spat a few words like...That is ridiculous.. I have never paid that much for a haircut before ever, this was a partial highlight. I give him my card. I am about to tip and realized there was no way in hell....I left her 20 cents. I grab my stuff and furiously run out of there.
I get to the car and call Ariel....I start to cry.


She tells me to meet her across the street she was just leaving the store and that we were going back over there. She is my support system and I am feeling strong again. She encourages me that it will be okay and we will get some answers.




We race back across the street...there are no parking spots. None. It is so freakin crowded. A spot opens up, it's handicap. I don't give a shit. I park. As I get out I look behind me and this young lady is looking at me with a "what the hell" look waving her handicap thingy. I looked at her and said "sorry! It's an emergency!" Yes, I did that! I really did and didn't care.


Run inside the salon shaking almost uncontrollably. ask to speak with Cindi. Ariel joins in behind me.  Cindi comes up and I tell her that I feel like I was completely over charged and that she needed to explain to me the prices. Ariel asks for a price sheet. I am telling her that I feel completely blindsided. That I have never been to a salon before and been charged that price. I have been to many salons in my life, every six months for years and never been charged this much. She reads me the prices and tells me that it's $75 for the cut and however much for the color. I scream...It's a partial highlight! And Ariel chimes in..."and what actually did you do to her hair that is so special?!?!"  We are on a role at battle and determined to get answers. I am telling this girl that I have never been treated this way before in a salon, that she needs to retrain her staff on how to wash hair that he was getting me soaking wet while in the chair, needs to list prices and let people know up front. I tell her that I am from Atlanta where people know how to do hair and that no offense (which was a lie, I totally meant to offend) that I have been to WAY better salons than hers and was charged half the price that she was charging. She stands their like an Icey witch that she is and tells me that she will take $30 off of my price. I am so livid and visibly shaking. I take the $30 and then tell another stylist passing by that if I were him, I would find another salon to work in!  It was soooo crazy.
I am not even telling the story as intensely as it was...it was insane!!! I was so mad and upset afterward and Britt wanted to egg her salon.


Live in learn...NEVER go to Alta Modo in San Antonio!!

Sunshiney Days

My lord! A lot has happened since the last time I have written. Lets see...I am going to just recap one day in particular only because it is that crazy! 
It's a nice day, my husband had givin me a gift certificate to a hair salon in a nice part of town for Christmas. He has been gone for three weeks prior so I was saving up for the perfect time to go and get my haircut alone, in peace. I pick the day set an appointment. Am beyond stoked. My little family rushed out of the house to pick up my car that needed some fixin' and Britt dropped me off and rushed the girls to gymnastics class. I was running  a little late so I decided to call ahead and let them know that I would be about 5-10  minutes late but would be there. So the guy looks up my appointment and says to me that my appointment wasn't until 11. I thought SWEET! I have plenty of time, awesome news. I start heading toward the girls gym and then realized what I was doing and quickly made a uturn and headed towards Old Navy. This is going to be the greatest day. I find some seriously cheap sales for the girls and am feeling good about myself. It is time for the salon. *squeal*
I pull in, am early. Automatically am feeling a strange vibe from the salon but think to myself this is my day and no way will I let it be ruined. I am givin a tour of the salon. Nothing great, zebra print chairs, a "color bar", and about two customers. So the man sits me down at the color bar. The hairdresser , Cindi, comes over and introduces herself. This is where it all begins......
I hate Cindi....from the jump. She comes over gives me a fake "hello" and limp handshake (which, says a lot about a person. A handshake should be: firm and sincere). She asks me all these questions about my hair and how I would like it colored. One color? two colors? what shade of blonde? I am thinking to myself, fuck lady I don't know. Make it look real! So I am feeling a little weird about that. No one is going to ruin my day. Surely the lady knows how to make partial highlights look natural. I tell myself to relax. 
She calls over to randoms to come and hold pieces of my hair. I am reading a trash magazine and decide to let myself just chill and enjoy the gossip( in the magazine that is). Then all I hear is whispering. I think to myself, is she talking about me?? I then start to listen closer.

Love is in the Air

Love is in the air not only because yesterday was Valentine's Day but because it just has been! I feel so lucky! The house has been calm with minimum fighting going on (which is a miracle). My husband missed me on his trip and sent me a picture of the sunrise followed by a picture of "I love you" written in the sand. I teared up, I think that may mark the sweetest gesture I have ever received from my husband in years. He also to top it off, brought home seashell necklaces for all the ladies in his life. How very sweet indeed. The girls have been hugging me and kissing me a lot lately and writing me love letters and I even receive love letters from a very dear friend who I love tons! 
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Britt leaves in August for four months but I have confidence that this will be a really good challenge for us and one that will bring us even closer than we are today. We have been through sooo much over the last several years and we can get through this as well. I am thankful to have Ariel here to keep me company! :)

Todays horoscope :

This is a climactic time for you, Leo. All your yearly cycles have reached a critical juncture. You may feel as if you're at a point of tremendous victory or terrible failure. Either way, it's important that you look on this time as a celebration that you've made it this far. Make changes where necessary and continue to reevaluate your progress over the next few months.

 This isn't the picture from B but who doesn't think that is beautiful?

Inspiration Find it Daily

  And Motivational Quotes of the Day:

These just grabbed me today. I don't have really many things to say over the last few days. Yesterday, I bought myself a pretty dress.

Believe nothing because it is written in books.
Believe nothing because wise men say it is so.
Believe nothing because it is religious doctrine.
Believe it only because you yourself know it to be true.

Siddharta Gautama Buddha (563-483 B.C.)

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."

Mark Twain

Run Forrest Run!

I haven't written about the big race! Last Sunday was my first half marathon and it was sooooo much fun! I am already planning ahead for the next one! I felt like the mileage was just enough. 13.1 miles is the perfect distance. Enough to challenge yourself but also to enjoy!! ENJOY! That is huge! The weather in Austin, Texas really couldn't have been more perfect. We headed (Lisa and I ) to the start line to meet Ariel at 6:45 am.  We were a little chilly to start due to the clouds and misty air. I will tell you it did not take long before we were warmed up! The course was really flat for the most part with a few small hill climbs along the way.  The weather, the people on the side of the road yelling encouraging words, and the other runners with smiles on their faces. Runners are special people. They love to run, they love the challenge and you get a  sense of family when you are there hitting the pavement.  I don't like to run with earph0nes, water bottles, sweaters, pants or really anything for that matter. For me, the birds, the wind in my hair, the bark of passing dogs, squeals of young-ens, the rhythm of my stride and clean air in my lungs is a peaceful moment for me. On Sunday my senses were full of happiness! :) I also loved watching some people run and their strides. We had ostriches, antelope, grizzlies, ducks and cheetahs. Really, you see all kids of interesting runners out there. Not to say that I have a gorgeous stride by any means, trust me that is not what I am saying at all. With no judgment,  I giggled a lot!! I smile when I think of two in particular.  One lady seriously reminded me of some kind of bird. She had really short hair like my mom and the way she moved was something out of a cartoon and then the man who looked like one of those zombies from the movies with his arms flailing about and strange grunt. You almost wanted to keep yourself guarded in case he wanted to run after you and eat you! ha!!

The day was perfect, just perfect. I was able to catch up with an old friend afterward and we laughed and we cried. Sisters. 

Ariel, let's do it again! I am so proud of you too!! :)

Here's a few photos taken from the race. They aren't the most glamorous but it's proof! I can do it! And will do it again!

Sweet Potato Pancakes

It has been a wonderful morning! I got up before the alarm, had prepared breakfast last night before I went to bed, and woke up to a quiet and smooth morning! And for the mom's out there you know what a piece of heaven that is!! I have been living off of this cookbook for several weeks now but mainly the last two weeks I have been choosing a recipe every day! If you don't have her this book...get it! You will be amazed at how your children will eat like they have never eatin' before! It is a hit at out house. Even the hubs is saying "yummm..." !

 

These were this mornings treat! So easy, make the night before and no fuss in the early morn! Enjoy! You WILL say YUM!

 

http://caloriecount.about.com/pancakes-sweet-potato-jessica-seinfeld-recipe-r90356

patience

I have really been working on my patience. I am really noticing a difference in myself over the last couple weeks. I am working on letting things be and to stop trying to control everything. Maybe the week that I spent with my sister really impacted me more than I thought not just in a stressful way but also in a positive way. My sisters life is so out of control that I started noticing what changes that I want to make in my life. There was so much unhappiness in her heart and in her house. It helped me to reflect on my own home and the impact that I am making daily good or bad. Patience is a gift. Patience is wisdom.  
Let God to his work. Forgive yourself for the things you have done wrong and move forward. Be patient in the present but also for the future. 

I have been patient with my sister. She has entered treatment. Praise Him. Life is beautiful.

LCS

10 Miles

10 Miles I ran yesterday. 10 miles on a treadmill!! I must say that I am extremely proud of myself and am now feeling confident about the upcoming race this weekend. If I can do 10 on a stinkin treadmill, I can run 13.1 on the road! YIPEE! I feel great about it. I will say I felt sick a little bit later and almost vomited. But, I did wait way too long to eat something and replenish those calories. Therefore, I learned my lesson. I will need to make sure there is something waiting for me to eat when I finish the race. 

This weekend was another interesting one. Last Friday I was hired to work with the San Antonio News Express. I absolutely loved the hiring manager and we hit it off right off the bat. I thought to myself, this could be it! He assures me that I will make $1, 000 a week! $1,000 a week! Are you freaking kidding me?!? HELL YEAH! But, I knew better. There is a catch. Always. So, I am hanging out with Ron and feeling as though we have known each other forever. I like this guy. This is his father's company, Barton Inc. Which is the Marketing and Sales team for the San Antonio News Express which is a pretty awesome company. They have 15 hubs all in the greatest cities in the country. I am feeling it. Thinking to myself, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. I can sling a few papers....no big deal. 

So, I go to the HEB with a training manager to see how hard this can be. Gabby is  a short Hispanic woman about 5 foot. She talks super fast and has a very thick accent. So thick that you have to concentrate very hard to even understand what she is saying. Gabby is the top sales manager and earns anywhere from $1200 to $1500 a week selling papers. I am thinking to myself, ok, pay attention because you can do this. It's just selling papers, right?

Selling papers? More like hustling! I spent 3 hours with Gabby and we sold a whopping 2 newspapers while I was there! 2!! Duos! A pair! Two! Really??? NO one wants the paper! They already have the paper! IF they don't it's because they do not want it. The area we were in was a wealthier area and so most everyone who walked in the store already have the paper and the younger ones don't read the paper. Here I am with Senorita Gabby slinging papers. Seriously, she was so aggressive and waving her hands to get people over and asking them their zip code and information before they even knew what the hell she was saying! OMG it was quite the entertainment for a Saturday afternoon. I felt like I was bugging people. I did make one sale on my own but really two papers in 3 hours is not going to bring in the cash money. 

Long story short (cause really there are plenty of things to say about that afternoon) I called Ron immediately pulling out of the HEB parking lot and resigned. After 3 hours. Done. Finished. No way in hell. I called him and explained to him that the real reason I took this job was because I liked him, his father and the company but that there is just no way that I can take such a huge gamble. Fingers crossed that I am going to sell papers. I let him know that this girl needs a base salary and steady income. He tried to keep me, really he did. But he understood and told me that if I change my mind at any time to call him, I will have a job. Well, that's nice and all but I want a salary job!!! End of story. I am back at square one.

Wednesday is the job fair. Please God, help me. We are so poor. I WILL be going to the WIC office this week. I do pray everyday, I thank God everyday for our blessings....I do. We are blessed but we need mooola!

Job search fail. 10 miler...success! Back on the hunt. Well, I may not have a job but this girl can run 10 miles! Most importantly, has this crazy little family.

Oldies but goodies. 

9 days til race

It's nine days til the big race! My first half marathon that I will be running with two of my absolute favorite people in the world! We are all first timers and haven't trained much but will finish and be proud of ourselves! I am so looking forward to some girl time and bonding memories. 

I am thankful for this quiet evening alone. Hubs is off playing music and the girls were tucked in at 8 o'clock sharp. It's nights like these that I truly love. Quiet. We all need a little bit of breathing time to sit, reflect, and just be. I think I may need it more than others. This is dreamy.


I was back out job searching today. Hired for the San Antonio Express News today! YAY, Me! Not sure what will come out of it all. Loved the hiring manager! But not sure if this will be the job for me. I will go out tomorrow and explore the possibilities. That's all you can do. Stay in the game, do your best, put your best foot forward. It will all work out. I look forward to blogging about my experience tomorrow.

Not much to say tonight. Wanting to soak up every ounce of alone time and watch a girlie movie. Just sounds great so I will. lcs

Excellent 8

Today was a wonderful day. I was able to hang out with my favorite friend, Ariel. A woman who never seems to not amaze me! I am so blessed. Truly blessed. Friends are there for you through your rants and raves, joys and sorrows. I wouldn't have a clue what I would do without her amazing friendship. Period. Ariel, this is a shout out to you....your are an inspiration to me and I look up to you and admire you. I will forever be thankful for you.

A day filled with friends, long workouts, and now a quiet house.

Last night, Britt and I did an Aqua Boot Camp class. I will just say it was hilarious because I would have never in a million years think that I would do a class like that with my husband!! Ever. And he thoroughly enjoyed it! He even got a compliment from the teacher saying that she "loved to watch him swim." HA! I am so sure you did lady! Considering that we were by far the youngest people in the entire pool! We definitely stuck out but we laughed and worked hard. I will say this....I feel in love with my husband all over again in that pool last night. Just watching him taking Aqua Boot Camp to a serious level.  We enjoyed every minute until the lady in Child Care came and got us because we took too long! Game over. Good times had by all (especially, the instructor)!

 

Back in it

So many events have happened since my last blog entry. 

1. Our computer overheated and was impossible to keep on.

2. Christmas came and went

3. My sister had her baby two weeks early and was born with Severe Meconium Aspiration and pneumonia. She may not live.

4. I immediately flew to Florida to support my sister through a very difficult time in her life.

5. Expressed my deep concern and empathy to my sister for the 10 days that I was present. She too is not well.

6. My best friend calls, his mother has passed away from a freak "choking on a cough drop" incident. Literally.

7. Drove 8 1/2 hours up to Georgia to show my love and support to one of my favorite families in the whole wide world.

8. Came home and almost immediately caught the flu that my beautiful daughters decided to infect me with.

9. I am now alive and well.

10. I am starting over.

It may not seem like that much has gone on to some people, but to me, for the last three weeks the world has been upside down. 

There is a place for everyone in a family. Lately, I am the one holding everyone's head above water. 

Truth is, my sister has a severe alcohol and drug problem. She has been through detox twice, been divorced, has a new beau (who is super lame), who now has a baby with the super lame-o, is broke because she cannot seem to know what happens to the $4200 she gets a month in child support!!, and literally if she doesn't get her life together I fear for her life. She is not well, her world is not well she is my sister. My best friend in the whole wide world.  If that is not a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended) , I don't know what is.

I love my sister. Very very much. Maybe more than anyone else, period.

Ok, that's going on and then my best friends mom dies. While sucking a cough drop. Chokes. Is brain dead. I have to say good-bye. I love Liz and miss her but will always remember her...she flippin' ROCKS!

Then, kicker. After the weekend of the funeral. I am hanging with the family at the dinner table when all of a sudden we are laughing and jokin around (as usual) and my Uncle starts choking....he runs out of the kitchen onto our deck to keep from coughing on his family and their food. I watch him take two strides and he collapses, nails his head on our deck railing and has passed out. I almost lost my Uncle from choking. 

Same night of the choking incident. I cried my eyes out. Asked God lots of questions. Mainly,"why?". Hugged my Uncle, my mother, my sister and thanked God for all he has done for us so far in this life.

Lessons learned:

• Don't wait, jump on a plane. Even if you can't afford it. You can't afford to miss moments, even the ones that seem to be a nightmare. 
• Be there. Through it all.
• Hug the ones you love every second you can.
• Don't let another be judged. 
• Be honest, forgiving and try to understand.
• Don't suck on cough drops.
• Love. Unconditionally.   

 

This video my Uncle put together...just seems fitting. I love my family.

6

Today started with Polar Express with just me and the girls, then we painted our nails green and red and watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I thoroughly enjoyed veggin out with the girls and doing girlie things! I was then able to enjoy the afternoon alone doing last minute shopping and driving around...in circles, really. I saw some beautiful neighborhoods and it was a gray and windy afternoon, perfect for a drive out in peace and quiet. I came home to happy hubby and happy children and then we all went out for the evening. Went down to the Hard Rock Cafe down on the Riverwalk downtown and cruised around looking at the lights and soaking up the incredible night. Everything today has gone perfectly smooth...until we got home! Britt dead bolted the door, locked all windows and side doors.  The garage door broke last Friday and so we have had to lock the door with our key! B forgot and he had to break in the front door. Now we must fix the front dead bolt. Awesome. Almost a perfect evening. Nothing is perfect, but damn things sure know how to go with a tad bit of a glitch. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! lcs

Day 5

Well, I just realized I totally biffed on yesterdays Blog!! That stinks. I think that I may have wanted to start this blogging after the crazy holidays.  But...I didn't.  We are enjoying having Britt home this week to spend Christmas time with us. He usually is working literally, right up to Christmas and having him veg out with us is such a treat. This is the time to celebrate family and Christ. For once I have not felt a serious burden over presents and cards, past traditions and food. This year we have had so much going on and I am trying to stop, relax and just let everything be. We don't have the money to buy all of the "things" we would love to give and this is not the first year. I know that there has to be a lesson in this journey. We have a tree, gifts, a roof over our head and most importantly family and friends that love us...really love us.


Today on the playground there was a  man and his adorable daughter and she had to have been Stella's age if not older! Her father, I swear would not let her do a darn thing. Throughout the time that I observed (or stared, whatever you want to call it :)) He continued to tell her " you can't climb that, you aren't strong enough", "don't go up there, you will fall. You have terrible balance." "Put the stick down, you are going to hurt yourself." "Stop banging that stick against the pole."  I thought, my goodness. I thought that I was exhausted from reprimanding my girls. He has to be beyond exhausted more like on the verge of dropping dead from a heart attack!  I thought to myself, he may be protecting her, but he also may be damaging her as well. I hope to God that I give my girls enough self confidence to put themselves out there and try for things and to know that they ARE strong, have balance and make beautiful music.  I may suck as a Mom sometimes, but one thing that I do give my children is the space to explore and try things even if they fail. It's part of the adventure...trying.

Trying, is something that I am really working on lately. Trying new jobs, calling for new interview opportunities, trying to breathe and reach out....trying. That is the least we can do in this life. Give it your best, do your best and try. What I am realizing more and more (not that I didn't before) but no one really cares about your accomplishments as much as you do. No one really cares if you fail, only reason they may is for their own self fulfillment in a way that you are someone that they can talk about.  We all fail, we all sin , we are all self destructive.  Bottom line...don't be afraid to try, try to forgive yourself for past destruction and try. Without a good go of it, you will never know. Ego, gets in the way almost every time. Turn your inner voice off. Breathe and except your life the way it is and change the things that need changing. But don't forget to love yourself and try to be the person that you so know you are inside. 


I know that this is all a little hokey but when things are happening around you, you can not help but relay it to your own life and reflect. 


Day 5 360 to go...lcs